Roast Dinners in London

Welcome to the most expensive roast dinner in London, at The Connaught Grill in Mayfair. Most expensive…so far.

So this weekend I decided to go on an eating out splurge, starting with this humungous Christmas burger at The Collab in Walthamstow – all fried chicken needs to come with stuffing balls in the future. And baconnaise.

And then I went to Black Cactus the day after.

You know Black Cactus? You should know Black Cactus. Well, unless you are a vegan, but like you’d be reading this if you are a vegan.

Aha. It was damn sexy.

Plus I think I’ve eaten out like around 10 times in the two weeks before this…so my bank balance was looking a bit queasy.

And then, I was about to have a £78.00 roast dinner. Yes, I have just won the FIFA award for personal finances. Yes I will be having a cheap roast dinner in a Croydon caff one Sunday soon (ish).

A gravy philosopher once wrote…

Speaking of budgeting, did you survive the Reeves hairdryer?

It seems like we can afford to keep eating roast dinners, but in 2029 we’ll have to stop ordering extra gravy. Or something like that.

Shall we see what the experts think of it? Apparently she won the FIFA award for economics in 2022.

So The Connaught is on the same block as The Audley Public House, and the same block as 100 ridiculously expensive Rolls Royce lorry-shaped cars, and perfectly manicured wives.

I rocked up umbrella-less on a wet day with my River Island coat, wet Adidas trainers and Mango jumper (at least that looks new) so I had to do a bit of internal pump-priming to pretend I could fit in. Sir.

The entrance to The Connaught (hotel) really does have that air of exclusivity, that sense that a bloke living in Croydon should really keep walking past, but hey, maybe I’m a crypto millionaire. Maybe I can belong in 2025 society. Maybe I’ve won a FIFA prize?

Naughty, naughty, very Connaughty

I know what you are thinking by now, you want to know what the bogs look like in The Connaught Grill…and I’m always here for you, babes.

Not bad, some solid wood going on there. On the walls.

The Connaught Grill is almost kind of private dining – unlike The Grill at The Dorchester which has an open room, The Connaught Grill has booths – perfect for discussing international drug smuggling, or perhaps which areas of Ukraine the US will sell to the Kremlin in exchange for oil and mineral wealth.

Or in our case, so we can take fright at a 118-page wine list. And discuss international drug smuggling.

The wine, of course, was excellent – a full-bodied but really smooth Malbec at only £85.00 (“only” is comparative – I didn’t read the whole list but there multiple bottles in the 20’s (and I don’t mean £24.00), and one half bottle of Riesling at £25,000). One assumes if you order a £25,000 bottle of wine, they check your card first – and they’d take one look at my un-gold debit card with the numbers scratched off, inside my £5.00 Primark wallet, and inform me of my error.

I also had a bottle of IPA, very hoppy and verging on malty at the princely sum of £12.00. Well, it was that or a £29.00 cocktail. Or the £10.50 bottle of still water.

When is pay day?

There’s a boat in the place who’s got a bittersweet face

So onto the menu, and it is split into raw, starters, roasts, fish and meat – along with sides.

I’m only here for one thing, and that was admiring the manicured nails of Mayfair ladies.

But also I wanted a Sunday roast – options were Hereford beef rib at £78.00, black leg chicken at £78.00 or Hispi cabbage at £54.00. There was absolutely no question that I was ordering beef here. Why would you even consider the vegetarian? Well, unless you are vegetarian.

So have you ever had to choose your steak knife from a tray? There were French, Swedish and Argentinian knives, I chose the latter for absolutely fuck all reason though of course I pretended to be an expert in knives that probably cost half of my monthly salary. Wouldn’t you?

This is where my note-taking went a little askew – I loathe going on my phone when out for dinner with people, let alone somewhere were it might appear especially uncouth.

These little canapes were stunning, a crisp sweet pastry filled with egg and then something which I’ve totally forgotten from both the waiter’s advise and my taste buds. I might be mis-imagining (it’s all the rage nowadays) but perhaps the waiter said trout roe.

And he goes by the name of Ebeneezer Gravy

Bread then arrived.

Have you seen bread like that before? Curiously designed bread with charcoal swirls and the most delicate of salted butters.

Not going to say I’m convinced that all bread should have charcoal swirls in, but I’m here for something new – well, except when it comes to main courses, of course.

So it was one of those where you had to plate it yourself – so judge me on the plating in the following photographs, not them. The meat was carved next to your table, if you ordered the standard medium-rare.

Once I brought my sartorial standards (if my mother is reading then I need my coat pocket flap sewing at Christmas please, oh and I was joking about smuggling drugs, I haven’t done it for years now) to plating my roast dinner, it looked like this:

And yes, there is a teaspoon for the gravy. No, I didn’t dare ask for extra gravy, I don’t want to even consider how much that would cost.

His friends call him Lord and he likes the most gravy

It might finally be time to talk about the roast dinner.

Incidentally, Trump putting the medal on himself was inadvertently one of the most honest things he's ever done.

— Optimist in the Dark (@optimistinthedark.bsky.social) 2025-12-05T21:21:40.609Z

Or maybe we can talk about the FIFA award for suppressing court cases about molesting women through threats of violence, to name just one new award I’ve made up.

You know, I thought I was hilarious on Saturday telling people at the BBQ restaurant that I was winning the FIFA award for veganism. Or later at the bar telling people that I was winning the FIFA award for sobriety.

Nobody got the joke. Possibly it wasn’t funny, but I have the FIFA award for disagreeing.

Carrots? They were softly roasted Chantenay carrots, as flavoursome as you’d expect.

Likewise the parsnips – sometimes you cannot tell a parsnip is a parsnip from tasting it, but here you really could. But not only that, the parsnips were a little crispy, like the outside of a roast potato should be. Pretty stunning TBH.

Gravy’s refined, sublime, oh gravy makes you feel so fine

Next up was a mixture of roasted swede, croutons and some softer breadcrumbs, and a bit of thyme – which was alright but neither of us were too bothered about it.

Unlike the broccoli and cauliflower cheese – the vegetables were soft, but the cheese was stunning – to show my minimal cheese knowledge it was like a cross between a mature cheddar and parmesan, but with much more depth to it. Whatever the cheese was, this was stunning.

Yes, £78.00 does get you crispy roast potatoes in London. You could argue too crispy, one was perfect, the other two had rather a lot of crisp going on, but I don’t want to complain about getting too much crisp on a potato, when it’s a struggle the rest of the year to get any. These were almost excellent.

For the Yorkshire pudding, somehow I ended up with a panettone.

My accomplice had a normal yorkie, but mine was sponge-like inside, and rather tiring, plus a bit overdone on the outside. I’d had way too much food already this weekend, there was no way I could eat this.

Though very much maligned and misunderstood

You may have noticed that the beef rib was rather pink – and that’s how it comes, though you had the option of not having it medium-rare. Though having it as per the house recommendation meant that it was carved at my table. Kind of like at Toby Carvery.

It was as tender as you might expect, arguably lacking a little flavour closer to the middle, but the opposite case for the fatty rim which was seasoned to perfection, and bursting with meat juice.

Finally, at least for the roast dinner (yeah there’s more to read, alas) was the gravy, which was very limited, and no I didn’t dare ask for more, partly because I was already a tad out of place but also fearing how much it would cost.

The gravy was rather sticky, rich and quite deeply red wine ish.

Our accomplice had the lobster and seemed to really enjoy it though I recall he said it was a tad dry – also he has no lobster experience to compare it to so whether this is especially good or bad, who knows. Unlike him, I have 354 roast dinner experiences in London alone to compare this to.

But if you know gravy it’s a real crowd pleaser

So onto the dessert menu, because when you’ve spent £78.00 on a roast dinner, you may as well top up the bill a bit more.

I went for the chocolate brioche which seemed to be the winning choice, priced at £23.00 – yes this is almost the price of an average roast dinner in London, no I didn’t give a stuff about prices at this point, but I really will give a stuff long before January pay day.

Also available was a sticky toffee pudding, ice cream and sorbet, farmhouse cheeses, rye baba or crepes – which are cooked at your table over the flame.

The chocolate sauce was poured at the table and was one of those Parisian-style chocolate sauces, the ice cream didn’t feel like ice cream as it had softened quite a bit – quite glorious.

And then the brioche itself felt like more of a nutty brownie. All in all it was pretty damn excellent.

Accomplices were also complimentary of the Eton mess and the sticky toffee pudding, but there was no way I was trying either halfway into my chocolate dreams.

The Connaught

You pay for excellence when you go to somewhere like The Connaught Grill, and sure enough we received excellence, more or less.

Service as you might expect, was impeccable, and everyone seemed to have a French accent, even if they were born in Doncaster.

The wine was so smooth for a full-bodied wine…OK the IPA was too malty for my tastes, but they don’t want you drinking the cheapo £12.00 bottles of beer, and duly I could refrain after one.

Downsides – well the Yorkshire pudding was a sponge and a bit overdone, one of the potatoes you could argue was too crispy and the swede was just ordinary. Oh and there was nowhere near enough gravy…but the chances are if you have enough money to go for a Sunday roast at The Connaught Grill, you are used to having insufficient gravy in your life. Limited gravy is part of being posh. Even if I win the lottery that I never play, I will refrain from being posh.

So the parsnips were crispy which was a delight, one, maybe two of the roast potatoes were excellent, the cauliflower/broccoli cheese had some glorious unknown cheese on it, and the outside of the really tender beef rib was supreme.

I’m never going to recommend The Connaught Grill over Blacklock – if you want the best roast dinner (or close to) in London then Blacklock is your choice, but if you want an upgraded, more elegant experience – then I can recommend The Connaught Grill. It really was a fine afternoon. Darling.

My regular accomplice scored hers an 8.30, my lobster buddy an 8.31 and my score is an 8.22 out of 10.

I look forward to my FIFA award for brevity.

I’ll be back next week. Just an ordinary pub, I think. Possibly a tad upmarket ordinary pub, but it will be under £30.00 a roast dinner. By the way, I think I made the right choice of knife.