Roast Dinners in London

Hello and welcome to roast dinners in North Korea, featuring Ruff’s Bistro in that well-know suberb of Pyongyang, Walthamstow.

Yes, apparently we have now turned into North Korea, so you’ll understand that I now need to be unrelentless in my fawning over our political leaders.

Perhaps the BBC could teach me how to do this?

And speaking of leaders who feel they deserve fawning over, Liz Truss was invited onto the Master Investor podcast this week, which would be about as useful as having Eating With Tod as a judge on Strictly Come Dancing.

Couldn’t be arsed to listen to her whinging? Yeah, it’s still the treasury orthodoxy to blame, along with the Canadian Prime Minister, the EU, Queen Victoria and the existence of the colour mauve. Whatever happened to putting crazy people in asylums?

Maybe fawn over my roast dinners instead.

Mayyyyyyybbe…

Woof Woof

In better news, it was my regular accomplice’s 40th birthday this weekend.

Alas, we don’t have a lot of luck with her birthday roasts.

The Lord Napier Star from 3 years ago being a memorable case in point, especially when we asked for extra gravy and they said, “we have other customers, you know”.

But we had a bit more confidence for this booking, as we’d been to Ruff’s Bistro before on a Saturday evening, and they serve non-fussy but good quality food.

Tuna steak in a small boat-load of peppercorn sauce, along with a delectable Mille-feuille. See…sometimes I do go to the same place twice.

That Master Investor podcast is sunk, isn’t it? Imagine being the next guest booked on there and considering your own credibility. Might as well get Eating With Tod on to proffer his advice on the economy.

Ruff Ruff

Just two options for the Sunday roast, or at least I thought there was when I was at the restaurant, beef or lamb rump – though I have just clocked that it says “vegetarian option available”, both priced at £24.00. Did I miss that? Oh no.

I asked the waitress what cut of beef it was, to which she advised without any conviction, “regular”. Which was sufficient to confirm to me that I should order the lamb.

Shall we start with the carrot? Actually we cannot, because that isn’t actually a carrot but a vastly overcooked, burnt and inedible parsnip.

Ah, well maybe let’s start with the tube drivers…oh they don’t want to work either.

Well, maybe let’s start with Nigel Farage…oh hang on he’s too busy in America trying to get sanctions put onto North Kor…hang on…no, he’s trying to get sanctions put onto the UK…you know, the country that’s he sooooo patriotic about.

I expect that you’ve already seen this criticism of Nigel Farage by Kier Starmer multiple times on the BBC.

Tough Tough…Parsnip

So, yes the parsnip was ridiculously overcooked and tough, though one person at the table actually received a freshly cooked and soft parsnip, with chives on top. Quite possibly it was cooked in North Korea and shipped over. Oh hang on, we live in North Korea, don’t we (insert eye-rolling emoji).

The Hispi cabbage was pretty good, cooked through enough though tasted something similar to turmeric – yet there was no orangeness anywhere, so I’m not quite sure what I picked up on.

Cauliflower cheese came as standard with the roast dinner, and wasn’t used as an excuse to upsell which is nice. And it was pretty excellent, gooey and creamy – with punchy cheese. The cauliflower itself had a good balance, neither too soft or too crunchy.

I cannot say I was keen on the puree, it just tasted like Dijon mustard, though perhaps there was celeriac in there too. I very enjoy both on their own, but this felt like a condiment more than a component of my meal.

One has to admire the fact that they decided all the vegetables should appear to be coloured in some form of beige despite the existence of cameras and the possibility that this might end up on the internet…one might want to suggest that something green should really start appearing on the plate.

Crispy roast potatoes…happy birthday! They weren’t perfect and quality was variable – Mother Gravy couldn’t even cut through hers. However mine were good – the larger one was notably fluffy inside and not so crispy on the outside, the smaller ones a bit crunchier.

However the Yorkshire pudding was shit. The burnt bits tasted burnt, the non-burnt bits tasted dry and floury. Not sure anyone ate their whole yorkie – I certainly didn’t. And it resembled a cow pat when viewed from above.

Gruff Gruff

Probably the highlight of the meal was the lamb rump.

It was cooked on the rare side of the spectrum, and was tender and juicy too.

Alas, those eating the “regular” cut of beef couldn’t say the same, a word often used to describe it was “chewy”. Yes, the birthday-celebrating accomplice ordered the beef.

SAD.

Finally the gravy, which had a fair consistency to it and was a red wine gravy, though it tasted a little on the tomato side of things. I quite liked it, it worked well and wasn’t too rich – though I always prefer a meat stock gravy.

Ruff’s Bistro

The lack of diversity of colour contrasted with the diversity of quality across the plates, and across the table too.

So the lamb was pretty excellent, the roasties too. Then the parsnip was totally inedible…for most of us, the yorkie was dry/burnt for all of us. And then everything else was broadly respectable.

Those eating the beef generally scored it lower, a 5.50, a 6.00, a 7.10 and an 8.00 out of 10 – so quite a range of feels for just the beef, which I think speaks well of the lack of consistency at Ruff’s Bistro – though maybe a table of 11 was too much for them to comfortably handle.

My two vegan accomplices scored their lamb roast a 6.50 and a 6.70 (I sooooo converted them…maaaayyyyybbbbe), and the non-vegans amongst us scored the lamb as a 7.50, a 7.75, an 8.20 and an 8.50 out of 10 – curiously Mama Gravy had the lowest score, and Papa Gravy the highest.

It is quite a hard one to score, if everything was as bad as the yorkie, it would be the worst roast of the year, and if everything was as great as lamb, it would be…well…one of the best. I think a 7.10 out of 10 just about balances out, but you could easily argue half a point either way.

Not sure this variety of scoring is going to persuade you to try Ruff’s Bistro or put you off! But I would go again, and quite possibly will.

Possibly also worth mentioning is the beer choice, and they had some good NEIPA and session IPA in cans from Gravity Well – so I was well happy. Service was pleasant and friendly, even if she did suggest the cut of beef was “regular”.

No plans for next Sunday yet, but there will be a roast dinner, and it will be near-ish King’s Cross station. I really need some good new roast dinner places near major transport hubs! Hint hint if anyone is reading…does anyone still read this garbage? I read it twice, to check for spelling mistakes – do I count?

Stay happy and remember to praise our dear leader, Nigel.