Roast Dinners in London

It’s time to kick off season 10 of Roast Dinners in London, with a trip to Hat & Feathers in Clerkenwell.

Season? Yeah season, deal with it.

Anyways. Happy New Year should you be reading around the time of publication, or roughly 365 days after publication, or roughly 730 days after publications, or roughly…

It always feels good to start the year with a blank slate. No more drinking for a while, no more hangovers for a while, my average score for the year’s roast dinners could easily be an 8 out of 10…if the Hat & Feathers is any good.

And who knows, maybe the world will be calmer this year. No more tariffs, no more Starmer sucking up to Trump, no new genocides, maybe the Tories might make a comeback in the polls – heck maybe even Trump might not be quite as stupid as…oh…

So…Trump has taken over Venezuela by kidnapping the president, but all the regime remains in place and Venezuela are now going to simply give away their oil for free to USA (or maybe just Trump Corp LLC) without any complaints, will choose a pliant new president that suddenly doesn’t care about socialism, and drugs are bad but hey send enough crypto and Maduro can be the new Juan Orlando Hernández.

Of course, our dear leader, Kier Starmer, needs to check the facts first. Ooooh. Yet Marine Fucking Le Pen can manage to condemn it, even if she cannot quite manage to see the problems with Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

Jeez. Might as well start putting fucking pasta on a roast dinner.

Robin Hood

What a load of toilet this world is sometimes. However, the Hat And Feathers has excellent toilets:

Early contender for toilet door of the year 2026.

It is a newly refurbished pub – if you believe AI, and who wouldn’t, it was re-opened in 2025 after more than a decade closed.

Inside looks rather pretty, some grand looking seating in places, some mismatched but high quality stools on the other side of the bar.

Very much a burgundy vibe going on (probably was colour of the year 2025) with typical classic wood panels.

AI tells me that burgundy wasn’t actually colour of the year in 2025. Mocha Mousse was. Maybe we need a bigger invasion.

Charles de Batz de Castelmore d’Artagnan

So it was the first roast dinner of Dry January. I’d already nearly had the frustration of having a date at a craft beer pub the day before, but the venue was changed at last minute.

And for some reason I didn’t even think to check whether the Hat & Feathers did good beer…because I really don’t need any temptation right now.

Carlsberg? Phew, don’t want that. Estrella? Not even vaguely tempted.

Guinness? Nah.

1664? What, that still a thing?

Brooklyn? Nooooo thanks. Two Tribes? Well, if I was hungover and it wasn’t Dry January, then I guess I’d have to.

Jeremy Clarkson’s beer? LOL.

Apple juice it was.

Cheers. Maybe. They did also have a couple of cask beers if that is your vibe.

Boy George

On the menu was half a roast chicken at £19.00, sirloin of beef at £23.00, pork shoulder at £20.00 or a butternut squash wellington at £18.00.

I went for the roast chicken, pretty much because it said “stuffing”. Also it being priced £19.00 means that the average price I’ve paid for a roast dinner in 2026 is £19.00, which is the cheapest average since 2020. Yes that makes no statistical sense…but sense is sooooo 2015.

Once I’d shifted things around a bit, it looked like thus:

Starting with the carrots which were roasted yet had a slightly crunchy, raw touch to them. Very ordinary.

The cabbage was peppered somewhat, stringy and again a far bit crunchy.

Delightfully we had roasted broccoli. Sure, it’s just broccoli, but it’s pretty rare on a roast dinner and I approve of its reappearance.

Charles I

Shall we talk roast potatoes or shall I prove AI is sometimes well on the ball. Even Elon Musk’s paedophilia-generating AI app:

Alas, also Grok:

Grim. Good luck to you if you actually saw the original images on X whilst scrolling, and your phone/laptop is searched by the police any time soon.

Roast potatoes?

Well the one you are looking at was dry, chewy and tasted grey, a bit like tech-bro charisma. Grim. The other two however were quite on the crispy side, still a bit dry but they had more appeal. Not so grim.

The Yorkshire pudding was an oversized heat-lamped affair, but it wasn’t burnt or too dried out – and was just about enjoyable. It was softenable in the gravy.

Prince Rupert of the Rhine

It was rather a huge chicken breast – quite surprising that I received something of this quality for £19.00. Yes it was cooked through, the breast was really juicy and succulent, perhaps even more enjoyable than the leg part.

Some seasoning or flavour would have been nice – as would crispy skin, but sometimes in life you have to take the positives.

Guess what? There was no stuffing. Sure, I could have asked for it, but I wanted something to moan about.

People – it’s Dry January. It’s the start of my 3 month detox (foreign countries not included). It’s freezing cold. The partner in our special relationship is now a rogue state second to only Russia. Said rogue state probably has more arms on our territory than we do. I WANT TO MOAN. If I cannot have a crap roast dinner, at least let me moan about the lack of stuffing which was promised to me.

I should have just asked for the missing stuffing, shouldn’t I?

The chicken was probably better than the beef, but I’m told the beef was tasty. Looks decent enough/

Finally the gravy was rather on the salty side – and there wasn’t much flavour to it, but it was gravy and wasn’t especially watery. It could be worse.

Hat & Feathers

It could be worse was the vibe for the roast at Hat & Feathers.

I was quite impressed with the plumpness of the chicken, and how tender it was. Otherwise everything was much of a muchness, the carrots a tad too tough, seasoning and flavour lacking somewhat, roasties too dry, gravy too salty…but nothing was that bad.

Service was friendly and the pub is pretty gorgeous. Apple juice was of decent enough quality – lol. At least there were no beers to tempt me, and in 3 months time I will have a sexy beach body. Or something like that.

Jeez that’s almost as worrying as Grok doing nudify on 14 year old girls.

The Hat & Feathers doesn’t especially feel like a low-score roast dinner, but I did complain more than compliment so I think my score is a 6.97 out of 10 – and my regular accomplice is a 7.00.

No plans for next Sunday yet, I expect my new year optimism to have been ground down by then, and I will really be ready for a crap roast dinner.