Roast Dinners in London

Yes, you read correctly, Lord Gravy is looking for…Princess Roast Potato.

Well, it would sound a bit odd if I said I was looking for “Lady Gravy” (and ChatGPT suggested Duchess Dripping).

This is your (or someone you know’s) unique opportunity to date Lord Gravy.

Who Would Princess Roast Potato Be?

All I’m looking for is a beautiful Spanish woman, who lives in London, loves roast dinners, listens to Romanian minimal techno, and enjoys listening to people moan about Brexit.

Is that too picky?

Is that the reason why I’ve reached the age of 45 and my only long-term relationship is a blog about roast dinners?

OK…maybe let’s be less demanding. Long dark hair would still help though.

Kind of obligatory is liking roast dinners. Being vegetarian or vegan is totally cool, as long as that includes eating roast dinners, however don’t expect me to become either unless future King Farage bans veganism in which case I shall lead the Vegan Peace Corps.

Female. Appreciate that I have the odd princess moment, but yes I am looking for someone female.

Somewhere around my age…35 is probably too young, but I guess it depends.

A sense of humour. Seriously, you’ll need it.

Intelligence or having some interests outside of watching Netflix, is hot.

Oh and if you find conspiracy theories appealing, then maybe we are not right.

What Does Lord Gravy Offer?

I am Lord Gravy. Do you really need to know anything else?

Obviously I’m kind of an anonymous roast dinner reviewer, so I cannot put my photo up. Looks-wise, I’m average height, a bit overweight but not too much.

I still have a full head of hair (some people say it is fabulous hair, the most fabulous hair they’ve ever seen), slightly tanned, possibly the best fake teeth in London.

I think I’m quite stylish, though you may disagree (especially when I’m wearing short shorts).

I’m certainly no Brad Pitt, but…I could be worse.

I have pretty much all my shit sorted out, and I’ve even graduated the university of drugs with no intention of a middle-aged PhD in crystal meth or anything.

I have my own flat (albeit in Croydon) and it has air conditioning.

And I have a really good job (albeit AI will probably steal it in a few years but hopefully by then Lord Gravy Events will be a £50m company).

Plus I enjoy my life A LOT, go on multiple holidays to places even more interesting than Magaluf, go to theatre, ballet and am a fan of impressionist art. I do prefer reading something intellectual like economic theory, but I’m also very comfortable down the pub watching football.

Oh and, yes, I can cook.

So…You Want To Date Lord Gravy?

I sense your excitement about this unique opportunity to date Lord Gravy.

Just think of all those shit roast dinners we can bond over.

So if you are interested, send me a sentence explaining why you might be Princess Roast Potato, and a photo.

I’ll send you a photo back, with a couple of date suggestions and if you are still game, then…well…hi.

Likewise if you know someone who could be perfect for the role of Princess Roast Potato, do put them in touch.

And yes, mother, this is a totally normal way to find a wife in the 21st Century.